Wogan Comes Out Of The Savile Closet. Too Little & Far Too Late.

Poignant and spot on today…

Wake Up To The Matrix

Radio 1 DJ's, (left to right) Jimmy Savile, Ed Stewart, Dave Lee

Just in time for the run up to this years hypocritical bunch of celebs cashing in on the early pantomime which is the BBC’s Children in Need, Sir (please remember the knighthood) Terry Wogan has come out attacking Sir (please remember the knighthood) Jimmy Savile.

Wogan, who famously fueled the “Icke is a nutter” campaign by uttering the well rehearsed line, “they’re not laughing with you, they’re laughing at you” is now banging on about how he had a hatred of Jimmy Savile and how his crimes were an open secret at the BBC, oh really Sir Terry Wogan ! Remind me again why you received a knighthood?

In an article published in the Mirror, Wogan recalled a celebrity lunch with journalists revealing that it was common knowledge in the industry what Savile was up to.

“I was sitting at a table having lunch and Savile was sitting one up from me…

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British Company May be Responsible for Zika Outbreak by Creating Genetically Modified Mosquitoes

The same mosquitoes have reportedly been spotted in the UK

Zica Mozzie

 A WORLD-wide investigation is underway to find the cause of a likely pandemic of the deadly Zika Virus.

But the answer may lie within the walls of genetics company based in the south of England.

Three to four million people could be infected with the virus in the Americas alone this year, the World Health Organization (WHO) predicts.

Most will not develop symptoms, but the virus, spread by mosquitoes, has already been linked to brain defects in babies.

WHO director general Dr Margaret Chan said Zika had gone “from a mild threat to one of alarming proportions”.

She has set up a Zika “emergency team” after the “explosive” spread of the virus.

It will meet on Monday to decide whether Zika should be treated as a global emergency.

The last time an international emergency was declared was for the Ebola outbreak in West Africa, which has killed more than 11,000 people.

Zika was first detected in Uganda in 1947, but has never caused an outbreak on this scale.

Brazil reported the first cases of Zika in South America in May 2015.

Most cases result in no symptoms and it is hard to test for, but WHO officials said between 500,000 and 1.5 million people had been infected in the country.

The virus has since spread to more than 20 countries in the region.

At the same time there has been a steep rise in levels of microcephaly – babies born with abnormally small heads – and the rare nervous system disorder Guillain-Barre syndrome.

The link between the virus and these disorders has not been confirmed, but Dr Chan said it was “strongly suspected” and was “deeply alarming”.

And she warned the situation could yet deteriorate as “this year’s El Nino weather patterns are expected to increase mosquito populations greatly in many areas”.

The virus reportedly has the potential to reach pandemic proportions — possibly around the globe.

The WHO statement explains the problem: “A causal relationship between Zika virus infection and birth malformations and neurological syndromes … is strongly suspected.

“These links have rapidly changed the risk profile of Zika, from a mild threat to one of alarming proportions.

“WHO is deeply concerned about this rapidly evolving situation for four main reasons: the possible association of infection with birth malformations and neurological syndromes; the potential for further international spread given the wide geographical distribution of the mosquito vector; the lack of population immunity in newly affected areas; and the absence of vaccines, specific treatments, and rapid diagnostic tests.

“The level of concern is high, as is the level of uncertainty.”

Zika seems to have exploded out of nowhere.

Although it was first discovered in 1947, cases only sporadically occurred throughout Africa and southern Asia.

In 2007, the first case was reported in the Pacific.

In 2013, a smattering of small outbreaks and individual cases were officially documented in Africa and the western Pacific.

They also began showing up in the Americas. In May 2015, Brazil reported its first case of Zika virus — and the situation changed dramatically.

Brazil is now considered the epicentre of the Zika outbreak, which coincides with at least 4,000 reports of babies born with microcephaly since October.

But, there was another significant development in 2015.

Oxfordshire based company Oxitec Ltd first unveiled its large-scale, genetically-modified mosquito farm in Brazil in July 2012, with the goal of reducing “the incidence of dengue fever,” as The Disease Daily reported.

Dengue fever is spread by the same Aedes mosquitoes which spread the Zika virus — and though they “cannot fly more than 400 metres,” WHO stated, “it may inadvertently be transported by humans from one place to another.”

By July 2015, shortly after the GM mosquitoes were first released into the wild in Juazeiro, Brazil, Oxitec announced it had “successfully controlled the Aedes aegypti mosquito that spreads dengue fever, chikungunya and zika virus, by reducing the target population by more than 90%.”

Though that might sound like a success, there is an alarming possibility to consider.

The particular strain of Oxitec GM mosquitoes, OX513A, are genetically altered so the vast majority of their offspring will die before they mature.

But highly regarded molecular geneticist Dr Ricarda Steinbrecher published concerns in a report in September 2010 that a known survival rate of three to four percent warranted further study before the release of the GM insects.

Her concerns, which were echoed by several other scientists both at the time and since, appear to have been ignored.

Those genetically-modified mosquitoes work to control wild, potentially disease-carrying populations in a very specific manner.

Only the male modified Aedes mosquitoes are supposed to be released into the wild — as they will mate with their unaltered female counterparts.

Once offspring are produced, the modified, scientific facet is supposed to ‘kick in’ and kill that larvae before it reaches breeding age — if tetracycline is not present during its development.

But there is a problem.

According to a document from the Trade and Agriculture Directorate Committee for Agriculture dated February 2015, Brazil is the third largest in “global antimicrobial consumption in food animal production” — meaning, Brazil is third in the world for its use of tetracycline in its food animals.

As a study by the American Society of Agronomy explained: “It is estimated that approximately 75% of antibiotics are not absorbed by animals and are excreted in waste.”

One of the antibiotics specifically named in that report for its environmental persistence is tetracycline.

A confidential internal Oxitec document revealed in 2012, that survival rate could be as high as 15% — even with low levels of tetracycline present. “Even small amounts of tetracycline can repress” the engineered lethality.

That 15% survival rate was described by Oxitec: “After a lot of testing and comparing experimental design, it was found that researchers had used a cat food to feed the [OX513A] larvae and this cat food contained chicken.

“It is known that tetracycline is routinely used to prevent infections in chickens, especially in the cheap, mass produced, chicken used for animal food.

“The chicken is heat-treated before being used, but this does not remove all the tetracycline. This meant that a small amount of tetracycline was being added from the food to the larvae and repressing the lethal system.”

A “sub-population” of genetically-modified Aedes mosquitoes could theoretically develop and thrive, in theory, “capable of surviving and flourishing despite any further” releases of ‘pure’ GM mosquitoes which still have that gene intact.

She added: “the effectiveness of the system also depends on the genetically-designed late onset of the lethality. If the time of onset is altered due to environmental conditions … then a 3-4% survival rate represents a much bigger problem.”

Brazil has now called in 200,000 soldiers to somehow help combat the virus’ spread.

Aedes mosquitoes have reportedly been spotted in the UK.

Ironically a proposition was offered on 19 January, by the MIT Technology Review: “An outbreak in the Western Hemisphere could give countries including the United States new reasons to try wiping out mosquitoes with genetic engineering.

“The GM mosquitoes were created by Oxitec, a British company recently purchased by Intrexon, a synthetic biology company based in Maryland, USA. The company said it has released bugs in parts of Brazil and the Cayman Islands to battle dengue fever.”

Meanwhile, the head of the International Olympic Committee says steps are being taken to protect the Games in Rio de Janeiro later this year.

Thomas Bach said the IOC would issue advice this week on how to keep athletes and visitors safe in Brazil, the worst affected country.

Officials from the US National Institute of Health said they had two potential Zika vaccines in development.

One that is based on an experimental West Nile vaccine could be repurposed for Zika and enter clinical trials by the end of 2016, said Dr Anthony Fauci from NIH.

He said talks were already taking place with pharmaceutical companies, but a vaccine would not be widely available for several years.

  • Credit Claire Bernish and the AntiMedia.org

Songs and Poems for my Lost Daughters

Darling Great Queen

Blonde and blue-eyed

My darling great queen

Your gentleness

Shines out before you

I made a life promise

The day you were born

That never could I

Dare to leave you


Clever and caring

My darling great queen

Your gentleness

Shines out before you

I watched as you grew

And started at school

I never thought once

I would lose you


Learning and loving

My darling great queen

Your gentleness

Shines out before you

Ten years now have passed

My heart beats too fast

To think of that life

Gone without you


Searching and seeking

My darling great queen

Your gentleness

Shines out before you

A grey life lived on the rim

Because my love never dims

A broken heart reaches

Northwards to you



Time is an Ocean


The spring day dawned warm

Wrapped in riggings of love

Hope bloomed eternal

On an ocean of time

All those years ago


Into my strong arms you were born

Wrapped in sheets of love

Hope bloomed eternal

On an ocean of time

All those years ago


I cuddled your tiny body close

Wrapped in a spinnaker of love

Hope bloomed eternal

On an ocean of time

All those years ago

My promise to you was bonded

Wrapped in a stay sail of love

Hope bloomed eternal

On an ocean of time

All those years ago


I watched you grow in beauty

Wrapped in a helm of love

Hope bloomed eternal

On an ocean of time

All those years ago


Your first word was ‘daddy’

Wrapped in a lateen of love

Hope bloomed eternal

On an ocean of time

All those years ago


We watched you laugh and play

Wrapped a genoa of love

Hope bloomed eternal

On an ocean of time

All those years ago



You were snatched from my arms

Wrapped in a beam of love

My hope never dimmed

On an ocean of time

All those years ago

Tears flowed and lies were told

Wrapped in shrouds of love

My hope never dimmed

On an ocean of time

All those years ago


They blew out my candle

Wrapped in a foremast of love

My hope never dimmed

On an ocean of time

All those years ago


They could not blow out the fire

Wrapped in a main sail of love

My hope never dimmed

On an ocean of time

All those years ago


Cos then the flame began to catch

Wrapped in a halyard of love

My hope never dimmed

On an ocean of time

All those years ago


The wind whispers words of truth

Wrapped in a luff of love

My hope never dimmed

On an ocean of time

All those years ago


Now you must sail your way home

Wrapped in a lashing of love

My hope never dimmed

On an ocean of time

All those years ago



Don’t Look Away

Sionnan I love you dearly

Don’t look away

I never left you

Sionnan I long to see you

Don’t look away

I am still waiting

Sionnan I long to hear you

Don’t look away

I still need you

Sionnan I long to hold you

Don’t look away

I am not leaving

Sionnan I long to kiss you

Don’t look away

I am not running

Sionnan I long to sense you

Don’t look away

I am still pleading

Sionnan I will not leave you

Don’t look away

This is your father




Your blue eyes linger

With your impish grin

Your dark hair wavers

The joy that’s within

5,000 days is too long my daughter

Much too long

So please come home

At the end of this song


You play in the meadow

With sun in your hair

You shout at your sister

With barely a care

5,000 days is too long my daughter

Much too long

So please come home

At the end of this song


Your voice resonates

In the caverns of my mind

Your tears wash away

What was left behind

5,000 days is too long my daughter

Much too long

So please come home

At the end of this song


You run over the sand

Your buckets to fill

We sit and watch blithely

From the side of the hill

5,000 days is too long my daughter

Much too long

So please come home

At the end of this song


We walk the old wall

Along by the farm

You scream with laughter

Safe in my arm

5,000 days is too long my daughter

Much too long

So please come home

At the end of this song


Now the years have passed

The memories remain

It’s time to come home

It’s the end of the game

5,000 days is too long my daughter

Much too long

So please come home

It’s the end of the song




In this garden of weeds

Your flower still blooms

Like a memory of a time gone by

I can still hear your voice hang in the trees

And see your face in the clouds in the sky


Rhiannon, Rhiannon

My beautiful child

Named after a song

In times so wild

Dance in the meadows

And sing by the stream

Here in my heart

Where you’ve always been


In this room full of wonder

Your shadow still slips

Like a memory of something so fine

I can still hear your laughter rolling like thunder

And feel your heart beating next to mine


Rhiannon, Rhiannon

My beautiful child

Named after a song

In times so wild

Dance in the meadows

And sing by the stream

Here in my heart

Where you’ve always been


In this world full of grace

Your truth is an arrow

Like a memory of what used to be

I can still feel the touch of your hand on my face

And sense your spirit in the raging sea


Rhiannon, Rhiannon

My beautiful child

Named after a song

In times so wild

Dance in the meadows

And sing by the stream

Here in my heart

Where you’ve always been

Precious memories of my beautiful daughters Rhia and Shannon captured in this single YouTube video:



British Secret Services ‘Probably’ Murdered Litvinenko


A BRITISH judge thinks that Russian president Vladimir Putin may have ordered the killing of FSB turned MI6 agent Alexander Litvinenko.

Judge Robert Owen’s 300 page report into the death of Alexander Litvinenko, published last week, alleges that Russia’s President Vladimir Putin “probably” ordered his killing.

Yet evidence is now emerging that our own British secret service MI5 are the more likely murderers of the former double agent.

Litvinenko, a former agent of Russia’s FSB, the successor to the KGB, defected to Britain in 2000 and worked for MI6.

In November 2006, the spy died of acute radiation syndrome in a London hospital.

Ever since, his death has been used as political football in UK-Russia diplomacy.

So, after a judicial inquiry held during a period of unprecedented anti-Russian feeling in the UK, finally we have Judge Owen’s verdict.

Interestingly, much of the evidence presented to him was kept private for “security reasons.”

Judge Owen stated: “There can be no doubt that Alexander Litvinenko was poisoned by Mr Lugovoi and Mr Kovtun (two former KGB agents) in the Pine Bar of London’s luxury Millennium Hotel on 1 November, 2006.”

“I have further concluded that the FSB operation to kill Mr Litvinenko was probably approved by Mr Patrushev, then head of the FSB, and also by President Putin,” he added.

Judge Owen has no actual evidence that Putin ordered Litvinenko’s murder. He is simply offering his own personal opinion.

That didn’t stop our right wing press launching into hysterical overdrive when the judgement was announced.

The Daily Mail, not known for restraint, decided there was a “new cold war.”

“Images reveal how Russian spy was poisoned with polonium in London hotel – as bombshell report reveals Putin DID order his assassination,” the Mail claimed.

The paper centred its coverage on Litvinenko’s claims that Putin was a “paedophile.”

The Sun, also couldn’t grasp the meaning of “probably.”

Their headline screamed, “Alexander Litvinenko was murdered because he accused Putin of being a paedo”.

Russia’s government responded angrily to the accusations.

Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Marina Zakharova said: “It is no surprise that the launch of a public inquiry into Litvinenko’s death coincided with the flaring of tensions in Ukraine. The UK authorities created a dangerous precedent where they used their domestic legal system in a politically laden investigation.”

It is an interesting political paradox.

While our government and judiciary only took 10 years to complete their Litvinenko probe, it’s been 26 years since our own agents “probably” murdered Irish civil rights lawyer, Pat Finucane.

It is suspected that former PM Margaret Thatcher “probably” ordered the killing.

Now, why does David Cameron believe that Marina Litvinenko, a Russian, has more right to an investigation into her husband’s murder than UK citizen Geraldine Finucane?

The hypocrisy is shameful.

We pride ourselves on our justice system.

But we have many examples that fairness is selective and can be influenced by the political issues of the day. The Hillsborough Disaster, Cyril Smith and Greville Janner’s paedophile activities, The Lockerbie Disaster, The Guildford Four and The Birmingham Six all bear testament to that.

So let’s look at the Litvinenko case from a less jaundiced position

Litvinenko defected from Russia to Britain after he was sacked from the Russian FSB for unprofessional misconduct.

He became a British citizen and worked for extensively for MI6.

He was a valuable asset to the British owing to the very public allegations he made and they were able to broadcast for smearing Putin and other Russian government officials with corruption claims.

As a former “Kremlin spy”, the propaganda value that our government and its media allies exploited through Litvinenko was considerable.

But then came an even more valuable propaganda opportunity for the British – Litvinenko’s death.

Who is to say that his British handlers did not bump off the Russian “former spy” with their own supply of radioactive polonium?

And given Litvinenko’s personal umbrage with the Russian government for being sacked from the FSB, he could be relied on by the British to give a plausible-sounding death bed statement imputing Putin for his demise.

Litvinenko’s own father Walter Litvinenko now admits he pursued a smear campaign against the Russian government out of grief, but changed his mind after Aleksandr’s widow revealed his son had been working for British intelligence.

“If I knew back then that my son worked for the MI6, I would not speculate about his death. It would be none of my business. Although I am not 100 per cent sure he did work for them,” he said this week.

He added that if it was true and Aleksandr, once a security officer with the Russian special service FSB, had defected to British intelligence, the Russians may have had a right to kill him as a traitor.

“He might as well have been killed by Russian secret services. They had a right to do it because traitors are to be killed,” he said.

He called his son a victim of a grand spy game.

But he doubts that Andrey Lugovoy, who British police named their chief suspect, had a hand in his death or acted as a government agent.

“The FSB wouldn’t send some dumbhead to spill polonium on himself, to leave traces all over my son. It appears that someone left traces of polonium on Lugovoy intentionally. Polonium traces were found at the stadium, on the road and even on a plane. It’s strange to think that Lugovoy would be such an idiot,” he said.

He says he regrets his participation in the smear campaign against Russia in general and Putin in particular.

Andrey Lugovoy, the businessman Scotland Yard accuses of killing the double agent, also spoke about Litvinenko’s father’s change of heart.

“Litvinenko’s father’s comments reflect what I’ve been saying for more than five years – that Britain’s accusations don’t stand up.”

Lugovoy reiterated sentiments that the British secret services had embarked on a slander campaign in an attempt to “discredit Russia.”

Further, he says Litvinenko’s father’s statements have dealt a significant blow to the UK intelligence community, showing how “they have embarrassed themselves.”

He also drew a connection between the death of Litvinenko and the British Intelligence Services.

“Litvinenko died in November 2006. In March-April, I was openly offered cooperation by MI6 and in order to motivate me somehow, I was denied a visa. That was in May 2006. And after I called Litvinenko – I’ve said this multiple times – I was granted a visa all of a sudden. I have always connected these two events,” Lugovoy recalled.

He stressed that prior to May 2006, he had always received British visas without any problems. “They always gave me visas, and did it with great pleasure before May 2006, when I was denied a visa after MI6 tried recruiting me.”

Litvinenko’s younger brother also believes that MI5 probably committed the murder.

Maxim Litvinenko rejects the findings of Judge Owen’s inquiry into his brother’s death, saying that to blame the Kremlin is ‘ridiculous.’

He says the report was an obvious attempt to ‘put pressure on Russia’ and that British Secret Services had more reason to want Litvinenko dead than Putin.

Maxim said: “I don’t believe for a second that the Russian authorities were involved.

“The sentence is a set-up to provide more bad publicity against the Russian government.

“The Russians had no reason to want Alexander dead,” he added.

‘My brother was not a Russian spy, he was more like a policeman.

“He was in the FSB but he worked against organised crime, murders, arms trafficking, stuff like that.

“He did not know any state secrets or go on any special missions. It is the Western media that have called him a spy.”

His relations with Russia were so stable that Alexander planned to return, his brother claimed, because he didn’t have enough work in London.

“He had already started to get in touch with old friends and would have gone back in due course,” he added.

“My father and I are sure that the Russian authorities are not involved. It’s all a set-up to put pressure on the Russian government.”

He claimed that British authorities had not collaborated with Russian investigators on his brother’s case and cast doubt on whether polonium was really the murder weapon saying he believes it could have been planted to frame the Russians.

“I believe he could have been killed by another poison maybe thallium, which killed him slowly and the polonium was planted afterwards,” he claimed.

“We have always asked for his body to be exhumed so that we can verify the presence of polonium in the body but we have been ignored.

“Now after 10 years any trace would have disappeared anyway so we will never know.”

He also claimed that several other deaths, including the suicide of Boris Berezovsky, the dissident who had initially supported Litvinenko financially, and the murder of the owner of a nightclub where traces of polonium were found, could be linked to his brother’s death.

Judge Owen’s inquiry report is also based on forged evidence, said Kovtun, one of the two Russians suspected of poisoning Litvinenko.

“There had been no doubts Judge Robert Owen would arrive at such conclusions. These rely on forged evidence and the open hearings exposed that. There were no doubts that when the proceedings continue behind closed doors, forged evidence will be used again,” he said.

Kovtun described the pieces of evidence presented to the inquiry as “insane and easily refutable.”

“The witness was giving conflicting testimonies all the time. The case is extremely politicized,” he said.

“Yet I’d hoped for the common sense and courage of Judge Owen. May this decision remain on his conscience.”

The Moving Finger Writes

On the windswept dales of limestone Karst

See Emily play

A romantic farce

Heathcliff searches

For a Wuthering lust

The window glass shatters

Life returns to dust

But true love never dies

As the darkness fades to light

My soul is yours to keep

Bill Burroughs is writing tonight


My love she sleeps in Cham

In a bed of Norwegian wood

My heart is buried somewhere

Under Dylan’s old Milkwood


On the melting tarmac of Kerouac’s road

The sun now rises

On Sal’s paradise load

Dean Moriarty sleeps

His heart trips a beat

Life it still creeps

But true love never dies

As the darkness fades to light

My soul is yours to keep

Bill Burroughs is writing tonight


My love she sleeps in Cham

In a bed of Norwegian wood

My heart is buried somewhere

Under Dylan’s old Milkwood


On the frozen streets of forgotten Oslo

Knut Hamsun he tries to write

But words are just a show

As the hunger eats within

From Kafka, Joyce and Camus

His life is full of sin

But true love never dies

As the darkness fades to light

My soul is yours to keep

Bill Burroughs is writing tonight


My love she sleeps in Cham

In a bed of Norwegian wood

My heart is buried somewhere

Under Dylan’s old Milkwood


On Woody’s slow railroad train

The hobos beg for dimes

His broken voice remains

In another singer’s song

His tune plays ever onward

Bound for glory all along

But true love never dies

As the darkness fades to light

My soul is yours to keep

Bill Burroughs is writing tonight


Rainbow of Friends

Sexuality should not define us

But society says it must

Too many friends within the closet

Their lives oxidised to rust


In my life of stolen moments

Good friends have all been gay

At first it was quite scary

In a world of bleak dismay


Come out now my friends and dance

Your life it is supreme

Don’t hide your love away

Behind some bitter Fascist scheme


Brave Andy was the first to dance

Back in queer bashing seventy eight

He came out to his parents

And faced their irrational hate


Cast out by those he loved

Alone inside his motor car

His body found next morning

Killed by a prejudicial scar


Come out now my friends and dance

Your life it is supreme

Don’t hide your love away

Behind some bitter Fascist scheme


Hiding in the closet Vicki, Jane and Hazel

Also loved to dance

They would boogie in a ghetto club

Whenever they had a chance


My house mate Trevor was the next to hide

His secret he was afraid to share

His father was an old coal miner

His black views were just unfair


Come out now my friends and dance

Your life it is supreme

Don’t hide your love away

Behind some bitter Fascist scheme


But time does not stand still

Liz and Nadine they were so brave

Together raised their wee son Thomas

With parent’s care and love to save


Some years along the road

My son’s friend talked of his two mums

The most wonderful of natural parents

They made prejudice seem quite numb


Come out now my friends and dance

Your life it is supreme

Don’t hide your love away

Behind some bitter Fascist scheme


The next to dance was close to home

My young nephew’s so camp and gay

It was no lifestyle choice, you faggot haters

So what’s that I hear you say?


Now this dance is almost over

But for Darren it was done too soon

He lived and loved with vigour

But now lies under a Mexican moon


Come out now my friends and dance

Your life it is supreme

Don’t hide your love away

Behind some bitter Fascist scheme


The Commuter

Down on Robertson Road

Where the white painted windows

Bleach in the autumn sun

The red-lipped lady steps forth

Umbrella in hand

Making her stand

On a journey she had now begun


Down on platform six

Where the old grey porter stands

Unsure of the line ahead

The fresh faced woman waits

Chewed gum at her feet

Waiting a seat

On a journey she always dreads


Down on bended knee

Where the ticket inspector calls

And the strap hangers hang

The nervous mother stares

An old man at her side

Taking a stride

On a journey with an urban chain gang


Down on Blackfriars Bridge

Where the swarm of people sway

And pigeons pick up the crumbs

The businesswoman now walks

Past the familiar gate

Testing her own fate

On a journey which her life succumbs


Sound and Vision

WHILE recording an investigative news piece for Bristol Broadcasting Community Radio last week I realised just how many of these type of pieces I have taken part in over the past 25 years.

From weekly newspaper updates for BBC Radio Scotland and BBC Radio Wales to the crazy days of 2004 when as a national Fans United organiser I seemed to be Live on BBC Radio 2, Radio 5 Live, Sky TV and various regional stations almost every day.

There are too many to count.

But, I am guessing there must be over 100 radio and TV clips of my voice out there somewhere.

Someone once said I had a face for radio… and it’s interesting, to me alone, how the early nerves disappeared somewhere along the way.

So I decided to gather together a few clips for posterity and my kids to laugh at in years to come:

Radio Five Live: Fans United to Save Wrexham FC Jan / March 2005



BBC Radio Bristol: Editor Overcomes Child Abuse to Publish First Book of Poetry Nov 2014


Russia Today TV: Nov 2014: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fU_4qJHIasc&list=UUbGif2gxFLxGDxG9CeA_fvg

BBC Radio Bristol: The Death of Regional Journalism


BBC Radio Bristol: Masonic Conspiracy and the Deselection of Bill Hodgson


YouTube: Ice Bucket Challenge for Gaza: Aug 2014



Childhood Sexual Abuse – Echoes of the Darkness

abused child

ALL my life I have been aware of people passing my way, who have been victims of childhood sexual abuse.

But, to protect myself, and my own frailties, I have not questioned or drawn them close to talk about their lives… I metaphorically walked by on the other side.

This was until I met one very special person, who in hindsight became the catalyst I had waited almost a lifetime to meet.

Jay (not her real name) was damaged, just like me, and when we met she was emerging from the hell of a court case, which saw her father jailed for 10 years for the vile damage he had inflicted on her when she was a child.

She wrote this heart-wrenching tale for me at the time. I am rebooting it to try and help people understand the utter hell and damage created by paedophilia and child abuse:

“It all began when I was eight years-old, and looking back on it, there was obviously a premeditated plan in place all along.

At first it was almost imperceptible.

Cleverly disguised as the occasional misplaced hand, I would ask myself if I was just imagining it.

Now I realise this was ‘testing the water’ to see if I had the guts to speak out.

But I was terrified of him and said nothing.

And from within that first ever silence was borne unwitting complicity in years of unspeakable evil acts.

From the first touch – a slowly sweeping hand draped casually over my shoulder, fingers brushing against my undeveloped chest – I knew it was wrong.

Without ever having to be told good from evil, I felt innately that this behaviour was sickeningly out of place, for someone in a position of parental trust.

From that first moment, I was frightened, betrayed and trapped.

As soon as he knew I was keeping quiet, he began his quest in earnest.

It quickly became sessions of being touched inappropriately behind a locked bathroom door.

Where was my mother? How could she possibly not know what was happening? Why didn’t she rescue me?

Even when I wanted to shower before school, he would insist on being in the bathroom to have his morning shave – watching me in the mirror, and then weighing me naked on the scales, so that he could stand over me and ‘assess’ my body fat, marking up my weight on a wall-chart, and telling me how very ugly I was. I still hate bathroom scales to this day.

When I was 12, my mother went back to work, and my father notched up his activity levels immediately.

It developed into having to perform horrible rituals for two hours at a time, whilst she worked.

Tied into activities that he’d always told me were ‘normal and happened in every family’, by the time I realised it was all very far from normal, I couldn’t say anything to anyone.

The sessions became more sinister as I got older.

He would make me use horrible equipment, and forced me to look at pornographic magazines, making me pleasure him and – well before I was even 16 – he moved on to both kinds of rape.

He would unleash the fullest extent of his anger upon me if I didn’t make a good job of everything he required of me, and punishment was always of a much worse sexual nature.

Once I had gone through puberty, it didn’t matter to him what time of the month it was, so the fear of pregnancy hung over me like a constant black cloud.

I was endlessly at the doctors with internal problems and suffered terrible depression – which I still do to this day.

I spent hours either locked away in my room contemplating suicide, or walking the streets of my town to avoid him.

As I approached my final exams, it became clear that any books or equipment I needed to make sure of good grades, were going to have to be painstakingly ‘earned’.

The horror of this broke my spirit for further education and I left home on the day of my 18th birthday, with my few pathetic possessions in one canvas bag.

I tried to make a normal life, but it was impossible.

For 40 years I felt isolated, betrayed, dirty and abandoned.

I ricocheted back and forth in a succession of disastrous relationships, unable to find any stability.

But I never gave up hope of justice being done, and now that evil man is serving time for his crimes, which is a small compensation for what I endured.

And also, I never gave up hope of one day being, loved, valued and cherished.

These words mean nothing to those of us who have had a lifetime of being used, broken and disrespected.

Now I am slowly picking up the pieces and putting a life together. It can be done. No matter how late on in life, and how badly damaged we are, we are all worthy of being loved.

And if I am living proof of anything at all, it is the fact that there is always a tiny flicker of hope out there, somewhere in the darkness.”

Sadly, Jay’s and my relationship, which was always mutually caring, did not last.

In hindsight I guess we were both too damaged and the time was wrong. But I will always love her because she gave me the courage to face my own demon.

But it took another few years and a nervous breakdown for that to happen.

When I did come out and publicly write about my own abuse, the pressure was released and a recovery of sorts began.


Since then many, many friends have come to me and told me of their own harrowing stories of childhood sexual abuse – some had been friends for many years and had never breathed a word of what had gone before.

Other confidantes are complete strangers. One such person is Sam Hill, author of An Oath to Hell http://www.amazon.co.uk/An-Oath-Hell-Sam-hill/dp/1492248940 whom I met simply through a Twitter friendship. You can read more about Sam’s abuse and her battle to be heard here: https://cathyfox.wordpress.com/2015/03/18/an-oath-to-hell-sam-hill/

Gradually we survivors have become a network of sharing, and in doing so are helping each other along the road to further recovery and strengthening.

And that network keeps growing.

Over the past few days I have been reading, editing and transcribing some poems written by one of those people… a new and lovely friend who was abused for six years by her own brother.

I will called her Justine for the sake of this article, but again I have protected her real name.

I am entranced by the power of her words and the hell from which she has emerged.

More than twice she has tried to end her own life, but keeps going for the sake of her own children. And throughout it all she has documented every moment with poetry.

This particular one brought tears to my eyes:


Release these chains, pick this lock

Try anything you can

Please don’t give up

See me for who I am

Please stay patient

I know I appear to be spiteful and cruel

Don’t be blinded by my reputation

There’s a good person inside, a hidden jewel

Just because it’s lost doesn’t mean it can’t be found

It screams and screams

But that doesn’t mean you hear its sound

Hidden reality that lies in dreams

Something that’s old can be renewed

Princesses are awoken by a kiss

I just need to be rescued

Returned to what I miss

I can change the hand I’ve been dealt

I know I can win But I also need help

Please, don’t give in

Her poems remind me of my own, but are so much more powerful and tell a different story. Now she is beginning to write her own harrowing autobiography, which I am sure may one day become a best seller. whole

This reading/writing/editing process could easily have brought me down, but crazily instead it is uplifting and warming. Because, you see, we are never alone.

So for anyone who may have suffered sexual or physical abuse as a child, the salvation is to reach out and speak out… we are here.

We are always here.


Saudi nuclear weapons ‘on order’ from Pakistan

Following the publication of my blog post entitled In Bed With the Devil: David Cameron and Saudi Arabia https://seagullnic.wordpress.com/2016/01/22/in-bed-with-the-devil-david-cameron-and-saudi-arabia a couple of readers have questioned my assertion that Saudi Arabia is acquiring nuclear weapons capability.

This fact has been corroborated from a number of sources, including Reuters and Associated Press (AP).

I attach an excellent piece published on 6 November 2013 by BBC Newsnight correspondent Mark Urban. Further supportive pieces are noted at the foot of his article:


SAUDI Arabia has invested in Pakistani nuclear weapons projects, and believes it could obtain atomic bombs at will, a variety of sources have told BBC Newsnight.

While the kingdom’s quest has often been set in the context of countering Iran’s atomic programme, it is now possible that the Saudis might be able to deploy such devices more quickly than the Islamic republic.

Earlier this year, a senior Nato decision maker told me that he had seen intelligence reporting that nuclear weapons made in Pakistan on behalf of Saudi Arabia are now sitting ready for delivery.

Last month Amos Yadlin, a former head of Israeli military intelligence, told a conference in Sweden that if Iran got the bomb, “the Saudis will not wait one month. They already paid for the bomb, they will go to Pakistan and bring what they need to bring.”

Since 2009, when King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia warned visiting US special envoy to the Middle East Dennis Ross that if Iran crossed the threshold, “we will get nuclear weapons”, the kingdom has sent the Americans numerous signals of its intentions.

Gary Samore, until March 2013 President Barack Obama’s counter-proliferation adviser, has told Newsnight: “I do think that the Saudis believe that they have some understanding with Pakistan that, in extremis, they would have claim to acquire nuclear weapons from Pakistan.”

The story of Saudi Arabia’s project – including the acquisition of missiles capable of delivering nuclear warheads over long ranges – goes back decades.

In the late 1980s they secretly bought dozens of CSS-2 ballistic missiles from China.

These rockets, considered by many experts too inaccurate for use as conventional weapons, were deployed 20 years ago.

This summer experts at defence publishers IHS Jane’s reported the completion of a new Saudi CSS-2 base with missile launch rails aligned with Israel and Iran.

It has also been clear for many years that Saudi Arabia has given generous financial assistance to Pakistan’s defence sector, including, western experts allege, to its missile and nuclear labs.

Visits by the then Saudi defence minister Prince Sultan bin Abdulaziz al Saud to the Pakistani nuclear research centre in 1999 and 2002 underlined the closeness of the defence relationship.

In its quest for a strategic deterrent against India, Pakistan co-operated closely with China which sold them missiles and provided the design for a nuclear warhead.

The Pakistani scientist Abdul Qadeer Khan was accused by western intelligence agencies of selling atomic know-how and uranium enrichment centrifuges to Libya and North Korea.

AQ Khan is also believed to have passed the Chinese nuclear weapon design to those countries. This blueprint was for a device engineered to fit on the CSS-2 missile, i.e the same type sold to Saudi Arabia.

Because of this circumstantial evidence, allegations of a Saudi-Pakistani nuclear deal started to circulate even in the 1990s, but were denied by Saudi officials.

They noted that their country had signed the Non-Proliferation Treaty, and called for a nuclear-free Middle East, pointing to Israel’s possession of such weapons.

The fact that handing over atom bombs to a foreign government could create huge political difficulties for Pakistan, not least with the World Bank and other donors, added to scepticism about those early claims.

In Eating the Grass, his semi-official history of the Pakistani nuclear program, Major General Feroz Hassan Khan wrote that Prince Sultan’s visits to Pakistan’s atomic labs were not proof of an agreement between the two countries. But he acknowledged, “Saudi Arabia provided generous financial support to Pakistan that enabled the nuclear program to continue.”

Whatever understandings did or did not exist between the two countries in the 1990s, it was around 2003 that the kingdom started serious strategic thinking about its changing security environment and the prospect of nuclear proliferation.

A paper leaked that year by senior Saudi officials mapped out three possible responses – to acquire their own nuclear weapons, to enter into an arrangement with another nuclear power to protect the kingdom, or to rely on the establishment of a nuclear-free zone in the Middle East.

It was around the same time, following the US invasion of Iraq, that serious strains in the US/Saudi relationship began to show themselves, says Gary Samore.

The Saudis resented the removal of Saddam Hussein, had long been unhappy about US policy on Israel, and were growing increasingly concerned about the Iranian nuclear program.

In the years that followed, diplomatic chatter about Saudi-Pakistani nuclear cooperation began to increase.

In 2007, the US mission in Riyadh noted they were being asked questions by Pakistani diplomats about US knowledge of “Saudi-Pakistani nuclear cooperation”.

The unnamed Pakistanis opined that “it is logical for the Saudis to step in as the physical ‘protector'” of the Arab world by seeking nuclear weapons, according to one of the State Department cables posted by Wikileaks.

By the end of that decade Saudi princes and officials were giving explicit warnings of their intention to acquire nuclear weapons if Iran did.

Having warned the Americans in private for years, last year Saudi officials in Riyadh escalated it to a public warning, telling a journalist from the Times “it would be completely unacceptable to have Iran with a nuclear capability and not the kingdom”.

But were these statements bluster, aimed at forcing a stronger US line on Iran, or were they evidence of a deliberate, long-term plan for a Saudi bomb? Both, is the answer I have received from former key officials.

One senior Pakistani, speaking on background terms, confirmed the broad nature of the deal – probably unwritten – his country had reached with the kingdom and asked rhetorically “what did we think the Saudis were giving us all that money for? It wasn’t charity.”

Another, a one-time intelligence officer from the same country, said he believed “the Pakistanis certainly maintain a certain number of warheads on the basis that if the Saudis were to ask for them at any given time they would immediately be transferred.”

As for the seriousness of the Saudi threat to make good on the deal, Simon Henderson, Director of the Global Gulf and Energy Policy Program at the Washington Institute for Near East Policy, told BBC Newsnight “the Saudis speak about Iran and nuclear matters very seriously. They don’t bluff on this issue.”

Talking to many serving and former officials about this over the past few months, the only real debate I have found is about how exactly the Saudi Arabians would redeem the bargain with Pakistan.

Some think it is a cash-and-carry deal for warheads, the first of those options sketched out by the Saudis back in 2003; others that it is the second, an arrangement under which Pakistani nuclear forces could be deployed in the kingdom.

Gary Samore, considering these questions at the centre of the US intelligence and policy web, at the White House until earlier this year, thinks that what he calls, “the Nato model”, is more likely.

However ,”I think just giving Saudi Arabia a handful of nuclear weapons would be a very provocative action”, says Gary Samore.

He adds: “I’ve always thought it was much more likely – the most likely option if Pakistan were to honour any agreement would be for be for Pakistan to send its own forces, its own troops armed with nuclear weapons and with delivery systems to be deployed in Saudi Arabia”.

This would give a big political advantage to Pakistan since it would allow them to deny that they had simply handed over the weapons, but implies a dual key system in which they would need to agree in order for ‘Saudi Arabian’ “nukes” to be launched.

Others I have spoken to think this is not credible, since Saudi Arabia, which regards itself as the leader of the broader Sunni Islamic ‘ummah’ or community, would want complete control of its nuclear deterrent, particularly at this time of worsening sectarian confrontation with Shia Iran.

And it is Israeli information – that Saudi Arabia is now ready to take delivery of finished warheads for its long-range missiles – that informs some recent US and Nato intelligence reporting. Israel of course shares Saudi Arabia’s motive in wanting to worry the US into containing Iran.

Amos Yadlin declined to be interviewed for our BBC Newsnight report, but told me by email that “unlike other potential regional threats, the Saudi one is very credible and imminent.”

Even if this view is accurate there are many good reasons for Saudi Arabia to leave its nuclear warheads in Pakistan for the time being.

Doing so allows the kingdom to deny there are any on its soil. It avoids challenging Iran to cross the nuclear threshold in response, and it insulates Pakistan from the international opprobrium of being seen to operate an atomic cash-and-carry.

These assumptions though may not be safe for much longer. The US diplomatic thaw with Iran has touched deep insecurities in Riyadh, which fears that any deal to constrain the Islamic republic’s nuclear program would be ineffective.

Earlier this month the Saudi intelligence chief and former ambassador to Washington Prince Bandar announced that the kingdom would be distancing itself more from the US.

While investigating this, I have heard rumours on the diplomatic grapevine, that Pakistan has recently actually delivered Shaheen mobile ballistic missiles to Saudi Arabia, minus warheads.

These reports, still unconfirmed, would suggest an ability to deploy nuclear weapons in the kingdom, and mount them on an effective, modern, missile system more quickly than some analysts had previously imagined.

In Egypt, Saudi Arabia showed itself ready to step in with large-scale backing following the military overthrow of President Mohammed Morsi’s government.

There is a message here for Pakistan, of Riyadh being ready to replace US military assistance or World Bank loans, if standing with Saudi Arabia causes a country to lose them.

Newsnight contacted both the Pakistani and Saudi governments. The Pakistan Foreign Ministry has described our story as “speculative, mischievous and baseless”.

It adds: “Pakistan is a responsible nuclear weapon state with robust command and control structures and comprehensive export controls.”

The Saudi embassy in London has also issued a statement pointing out that the Kingdom is a signatory to the Non-Proliferation Treaty and has worked for a nuclear free Middle East.

But it also points out that the UN’s “failure to make the Middle East a nuclear free zone is one of the reasons the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia rejected the offer of a seat on the UN Security Council”.

It says the Saudi Foreign Minister has stressed that this lack of international action “has put the region under the threat of a time bomb that cannot easily be defused by manoeuvring around it”.

Further reading: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/middleeast/saudiarabia/11658338/The-Saudis-are-ready-to-go-nuclear.html